"I'm hungry, Daddy," Val said softly. Steve brought his hand to the back of her head, smoothing her pale yellow hair. She eased closer to him on the waiting room chairs, putting her head on his chest.
"I know, baby. It won't be long now. We'll pick up Tom, then go through the drive-thru on the way home. Get anything you guys want."
Small consolation, but their lives were built on small consolations and Steve gave them whenever he could. Maybe it wasn't good for them, maybe he wasn't firm enough, maybe he indulged them too often. He'd never been able to withhold the little joy he could give them. When they looked back at all this when they were older, he hoped they'd remember these things and say it wasn't all bad.
Glancing across the waiting room of the ER, Steve caught his elder son's dark eyes. Ronnie looked away immediately, hostility so fierce that Steve felt it run through him like a hot knife. He couldn't help Ronnie. It was too late. The damage Jessie had done went too deep to ever bring him back.
All of his life, Ronnie had seen his mother's insanity--her drinking, her drugs, her cheating. He saw and heard the fights. He saw the way Jessie remained oblivious to his brother and sister. Occasionally, Jess noticed Ronnie--when she needed him. Then and only then. Not a minute sooner. It'd created a vicious cycle in him. He wanted his mother's love more than anything, so he remained loyal to her, making excuses for her bad behavior, even when she ignored and used him. In order for him to remain loyal, her enemies had to become his enemies. Steve had become his own wife's enemy because he hated the things she did, couldn't accept them anymore. He'd spent years trying to get her to change. He'd spent years failing. He'd lost the war for his son as well.
Feeling his continued gaze on him, Ronnie turned to him, his lip curling. "You shouldn't have let her go back to work. You should've let her recover longer."
"She made the decision, Ronnie. I didn't say anything one way or another." Steve heard the desperation in his own voice. He wanted his older son to believe him, just once. To assume the best of him instead of the absolute worst.
"When do you ever need to say anything to her? She knows what you think of her. She tries so hard to please you, and it's never enough for you."
Swallowing, Steve felt tears sting his tired eyes.
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